This is an excerpt from Noah Smith's adaptation of THE HOUSE THAT JACK BUILT. The complete script is available by clicking HERE.
Before the play begins someone should explain to the audience their role in the play. They will be asked to read, at certain times, lines from the original nursery rhyme. Parents should be encouraged to help children read along. There should probably be a little practicing. The audience should also be informed that, when a VOICE is heard telling them "Please read line 1" (etc.), they should read it.
The poem is as follows, and should be printed in the program like this:
LINE 1: This is the house that Jack built.
LINE 2: This is the malt, that lay in the house that Jack built.
LINE 3: These are the rats, that ate the malt, that lay in the house that Jack built.
LINE 4: This is the cat, that chased the rats, that ate the malt, that lay in the house that Jack built.
LINE 5: This is the dog, that worried the cat, that chased the rats, that ate the malt, that lay in the house that Jack built.
LINE 6: This is the cow with the crumpled horn, that tossed the dog, that worried the cat, that chased the rats, that ate the malt, that lay in the house that Jack built.
LINE 7: This is the maiden all forlorn, that milked the cow with the crumpled horn, that tossed the dog, that worried the cat, that chased the rats, that ate the malt, that lay in the house that Jack built.
LINE 8: This is the man all tattered and torn, that kissed the maiden all forlorn, that milked the cow with the crumpled horn, that tossed the dog, that worried the cat, that chased the rats, that ate the malt, that lay in the house that Jack built.
LINE 9: This is the priest all shaven and shorn, that married the man all tattered and torn, that kissed the maiden all forlorn, that milked the cow with the crumpled horn, that tossed the dog, that worried the cat, that chased the rats, that ate the malt, that lay in the house that Jack built.
LINE 10: This is the rooster that crowed in the morn, that woke the priest all shaven and shorn, that married the man all tattered and torn, that kissed the maiden all forlorn, that milked the cow with the crumpled horn, that tossed the dog, that worried the cat, that chased the rats, that ate the malt, that lay in the house that Jack built.
LINE 11: This is the farmer sowing his corn, that kept the rooster that crowed in the morn, that woke the priest all shaven and shorn, that married the man all tattered and torn, that kissed the maiden all forlorn, that milked the cow with the crumpled horn, that tossed the dog, that worried the cat, that chased the rats, that ate the malt, that lay in the house that Jack built.
The scene, for both acts is The House That Jack Built, an exterior of a large farmhouse on a dirt road. One practical door. A small barn is attached, which can be entered from the side. No other houses around. There are fields for crops behind the house. A few bushes are in front of the house, one of which disguises a place where a sign can be "pounded into the ground." Ideally, it should be possible for an actor to climb to the roof of the house or barn from behind and "stand on the roof." There is a sign somewhere prominent that reads "ROOMS FOR RENT."
Act One
MEWS enters, a female cat. She stretches and yawns, catlike. She begins to groom herself when she notices the audience. She is a little surprised to see them.
Mews
Oh ... hi. Um ... Jack! Jack, get out here!
JACK enters. A nice looking young man.
Jack
What? What is it, Mews?
MEWS
I think we have customers. A lot of customers.
JACK
Our first customers! Well, good morning everybody. I'm Jack and this is my cat, Mews. So glad you could join us! You see, my uncle left me this farmland in his will.
Mews
Well, not just to you.
JACK
Oh, right. This is kinda funny ... and sad ... and funny. It says here in the will ...
(Pulls the will from his pocket)
"My farmland I leave to my nephew Jack and his wife."
MEWS
The funny part is ... Jack doesn't have a wife.
JACK
Well, that's not that funny ... I guess my uncle really wanted to see me get married before he died, so he mentioned me having a wife in his will. Wishful thinking, y'know? I supposed I kind of let him down on that.
MEWS rubs her head consolingly on JACK's arm.
MEWS
I didn't mean to make you feel bad. But I'm a cat. I claw up furniture for fun. It's in my nature. Besides, I'm sure your uncle would be very proud of what you did on this land.
JACK
Oh I hope so! You see, what I did when I got this land was ... I built this house!
The audience participation SOUND CUE is heard.
Voice (V.O.)
Please read line one.
Audience
This is the house that Jack built.
JACK and MEWS are a little confused by what just happened.
MeWS
Um ... what was that?
JaCK
I have no idea.
MEWS
Let's just keep going and pretend nothing happened.
JACK
Okay. Um, so, anyway ... You see, this land is exactly halfway between the Old City ...
(Points down the road stage right.)
... and the New City.
(Points down the road stage left.)
And I thought "hey, if people are making the long journey from Old City to New City, they'll probably want to stop somewhere in the middle." So that's what this house is for -- people who are in the middle of their journey. Maybe they don't know where to go next, so they can stay here until they figure it out. And it won't cost them too much. Because ... oh, go get the stuff Mews.
MEWS has been getting comfortable during JACK's speech and is annoyed to have to get up.
MEWS
All right.
MEWS runs into the barn.
JACK
I grow barley in the fields out back and I use it to make ...
MEWS re-enters with a wheelbarrow full of sacks of malt.
MEWS
Malt!
The audience participation SOUND CUE is heard.
VOICE (V.O.)
Please read line two.
AUDIENCE
This is the malt, that lay in the house that Jack built.
MeWS
It happened again!
JACK
Maybe they're all members of some kind of club.
MEWS
Hey, Jack, I just realized ... I don't know what malt is.
JACK
Oh, that's easy. Malt is a cereal grain that's threshed and allowed to germinate so it develops enzymes that turns the starches into sugars --
MEWS
(Interrupting.)
Forget I asked.
JACK
I've got a barn full of malt. Soon I'll have a house full of guests. Nothing could possibly go wrong.
An EVIL MUSICAL STING accompanies the entrance of LORD EDMUND TUDOR, a cruel-looking wealthy English aristocrat. He is accompanies by COCKNEY, a rooster who dresses a bit like the Artful Dodger, and talks like him, too.
MEWS
Where are these sounds coming from?
Tudor
Good day, sir. My name is Lord Edmund Tudor. And is my associate, Cockney the Rooster.
JACK
Pleasure to meet you, Lord Tudor, and welcome to the House That Jack Built ... oh, cock-a-doodle-doo to you, Cockney.
Cockney
Sorry, mate. I don't do the cock-a-doodle-doo thing.
MewS
You don't? What kind of rooster are you?
COCKNEY
The kind who like to sleep late, I 'spect.
TuDOR
I was hoping to discuss business with you, Jack. You see, I'm quite taken with your little house here and I was wondering if you would be interested in selling.
JaCK
Selling? This house? Oh, thank you Lord Tudor, but, no.
TUDOR
I would pay you handsomely for it.
JACK
That's very nice. But this house is my dream. You can't put a price on that. Now, if you'll excuse me, Mews and I need to put this malt back in our barn and go get the house ready for guests. Nice meeting you.
JACK and MEWS exit, wheeling the malt back into the barn.
TUDOR
Fie! This is going to be more difficult than I thought!
CoCKNEY
Guv, why do you want to buy this house anyway?
TUDOR
It's not the house I want! It's the land it's sitting on. According to this old surveyor's map ...
(Pulls an old map from his pocket)
There's a fortune in gold under the ground here. If I could buy this land, knock down this house, and start digging, I'd be rich beyond my wildest dreams.
COCKNEY
But, Guv, aren't you already rich?
TUDOR
Not rich enough, confound it! Well, if young Jack won't sell me the house, I'll have to force him. He's got a barn full of malt, eh? He must be planning on selling that.
COCKNEY is peeking into the barn.
COCKNEY
A lot, too. He'll make a pretty penny when he sells that.
TUDOR
If he sells it. If he didn't have any malt to sell he'd have no money coming in. Then he'd have to sell me the house.
COCKNEY
Yeah, but, Guv, how we gonna get rid of all that malt?
TUDOR
Malt has only one natural enemy! Rats! Happily, I happen to have my lucky rat whistle on me right here.
CoCKNEY
You have a whistle that calls rats?
TUDOR
I'm a villain. Rats flock to me, naturally.
TUDOR blows on a whistle.
TuDOR
Come my pretties! Come to me!
MUSIC. A huge number of RATS, played by our chorus, enter, ratlike. They scurry in from every direction, perhaps nibbling on the audience as they come, making rat noises.
Once they have arrived on stage and the MUSIC stops ...
TuDOR
Welcome, my friends. Are you hungry? Marvelous! Your feast awaits. Chow down!
TUDOR points to the barn and, with more MUSIC, the rats noisily rush in to feed. MUSIC fades.
CoCKNEY
Look at those rats eat that malt!
The AUDIENCE PARTICIPATION TONE is heard.
VOICE (V.O.)
Please read line three.
AuDIENCE
These are the rats, that ate the malt, that lay in the house that Jack built.
CocKNEY
Guv ... did you hear that, too, or am I going barmy?
TUDOR
No, you're right. There's something odd here. Let's leave the rats to their meal. Once that malt is gone, Jack will beg me to buy his house. And then, the gold is mine!
COCKNEY and TUDOR cackle as they exit. MEWS enters from the house and sees them go.
MeWS
What are those two laughing at? I smell a rat ... in fact, I think I smell about twenty rats. What's going on here?
(Looks into the barn.)
Rats! Rats! What do I do? What do I do? Oh, this is not good! My veterinarian told me to avoid stress! Jack! Jack!
JACK enters from the house.
JACK
What is it?
MEWS
Rats! Eating the malt!
JACK
Rats? Do something!
MEWS
What do you expect me to do?
JACK
You're a cat, aren't you? Go chase those rats!
MEWS
Look, when it comes to cat stuff, I'm much better at the "playing with yarn" and "sleeping all day" parts of the job.
JACK
Please? For me?
MEWS
Okay! Okay!
MUSIC. MEWS screws her courage to the sticking place and charges into the barn. She is immediately tossed right back out. She dusts herself off and runs back in. A second later, the RATS reenter, carrying MEWS and dump her on the ground. The RATS go back in. MEWS is mad now and dashes offstage. She returns with a huge mallet. She runs back into the barn. A second later the rats all run back out, pursued by MEWS with the mallet. The RATS scatter off, back through the audience and MEWS is victorious. MUSIC ENDS.
JACK
You did it!
MEWS
I did it!
JACK
You chased away the rats!