This is an excerpt from Jack Neary's adaptation of ALICE IN WONDERLAND. The complete script is available by clicking HERE.
ALICE IN WONDERLAND
Ultimately, we'll be all over the
place, so flexibility and costuming
should be the watchwords in attempting
to establish locations and situations.
Feel free to rely on the words to tell
the story, but also feel free to create
props and set pieces which might
contribute to the story, as told.
The first thing the audience should be
aware of, in the dark, is MUSIC. It
should start off mellow, melodic and
pleasant, then rapidly turn playful,
then pleasantly cacophonous. It should
also reach a cacophonous peak, then
stop abruptly, at which point, the
VOICE of the QUEEN OF HEARTS bellows
through the darkness.
QUEEN OF HEARTS (V.O.)
OFF WITH HER HEAD!
LIGHTS UP FULL, revealing ALICE, a
little girl, sitting in a chair. To
her right, on a throne high above her,
is the KING OF HEARTS, a modest little
man. To her left, on another throne
high above Alice, is the QUEEN OF
HEARTS, a robust bellower.
ALICE
Excuse me!
KING OF HEARTS
Why, what did you do?
QUEEN OF HEARTS
OFF WITH HER HEAD, I SAY!
KING OF HEARTS
Well, I know you say, dear. You say it loud enough...
QUEEN OF HEARTS
OFF WITH HER HEAD!
KING OF HEARTS
And you seem to keep on saying it...
ALICE
Off with MY head?
QUEEN OF HEARTS
YOU HEARD ME!
KING OF HEARTS
Of course we heard you. I wager even the herd heard you.
SOUND of a HERD OF CATTLE.
KING OF HEARTS (cont'd)
See?
QUEEN OF HEARTS
OFF WITH HER HEAD!
KING OF HEARTS
Now, wait a minute, dear, I thought as King I was deciding
the fate of the Knave of Hearts. Something about stolen
tarts.
QUEEN OF HEARTS
YES! OFF WITH HIS HEAD!
KING OF HEARTS
I don't even know where he is.
QUEEN OF HEARTS
Fine, then. OFF WITH HER HEAD!
ALICE
(to Queen)
But why, your Majesty?
(to King)
Doesn't the Queen need a reason to cut off someone's head?
KING OF HEARTS
Not generally, no.
QUEEN OF HEARTS
Reason! How DARE you ask me for a reason?
ALICE
How dare you cut off my head!
QUEEN OF HEARTS
I haven't!
ALICE
Aha!
QUEEN OF HEARTS
But I will!
ALICE
But why????
QUEEN OF HEARTS
Ah! I see! You want...A REASON!
ALICE
Yes!
QUEEN OF HEARTS
Fine! Then I shall give you a reason!
ALICE
I think I deserve one.
QUEEN OF HEARTS
Oh. Well, then...that's an entirely different story. If you
deserve a reason, then I will not give you one.
ALICE
What? Why?
QUEEN OF HEARTS
Reasons are well and good, but only if they are undeserved.
Once a reason is deserved, it becomes unavailable. Everybody
knows that. OFF WITH HER HEAD!
KING OF HEARTS
Well, what if I asked you for a reason?
QUEEN OF HEARTS
Do you deserve a reason?
KING OF HEARTS
No.
QUEEN OF HEARTS
Then I shall give you one.
(to Alice)
See how it works?
(to King)
I am ordering her head cut off because I have no idea who she
is, nor how she got here! She is, for all intents and
purposes...
KING OF HEARTS
Don't say it...
QUEEN OF HEARTS
A FOREIGNER!
KING OF HEARTS
Oh, no!
(to Alice)
That's bad news for your head.
ALICE
But I can tell you exactly who I am and precisely how I got
here!
QUEEN OF HEARTS
You can?
ALICE
Absolutely!
QUEEN OF HEARTS
Then that's a completely different kettle of fish! I will
grant you the standard twenty-four hundred ticks of the clock
to convincingly explain to me who you are and how you got
here! Hen-RY!
The King grabs a huge stop watch, and
pushes the pin.
ALICE
Twenty-four hundred ticks?
QUEEN OF HEARTS
Twenty-three hundred ninety eight. And counting.
ALICE
(quickly jumps to the floor)
Oh! Well, then...I shall...I shall tell you everything...
QUEEN OF HEARTS
Twenty-three hundred ninety-two...
As Alice tells her story, the King and
Queen remain in sight, each in a pin
spot of light.
Whenever possible, props and set pieces
can be utilized to help Alice tell the
story, but they should appear and
disappear whimsically.
ALICE
I was...I was strolling through the lovely wood near my
house, you see, with my sister, when we both sat on the grass
to rest...
Alice's older sister appears, sitting
on the ground. Alice joins her.
ALICE (cont'd)
My sister began to read her book. And I began to be awfully
bored. The sun was hot. And the katydids and the
grasshoppers were making a droning, drowsy kind of humming
sound in the soft summer air, and I was about to drop my head
to the ground and rest my eyes when all of a sudden...
KING OF HEARTS
Oh, I LIKE it when they say "All of a sudden..."
ALICE
All of a sudden, I saw...a white rabbit!
QUEEN OF HEARTS
The explanation, thus far, is painfully pedestrian.
ALICE
Who was carrying a pocket watch!